Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
