he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
