His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
