Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
