Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I cannot find my penis.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
