I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
