well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
