Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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