If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My vagina is very pro this idea
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
