I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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