Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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