do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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