Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
