Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
