i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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