I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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