Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
