Pants 0. Shit 1.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
