i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
