I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
