Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
