nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
