Im at strip club and am horny
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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