She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
