If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
