Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
