Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
