I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
