You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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