Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
