i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
