Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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