just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
