I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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