He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
