I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
