I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
