Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
