when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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