That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
