I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
