you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize