Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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