remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
