Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
