She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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