I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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