wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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