you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Operation Purity has been aborted
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
