Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
