hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
