I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
