Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
