just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
